Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The marathon.....

Shawn has lost 30 pounds now, he is still not really able to eat. He is drinking Ensure shakes, I am sure he will never want another Ensure shake ever again after all of this. He is starting to get better, but it is slow. I am hoping by next week he can eat something yummy. Thank you for all your prayers, please do not stop praying for Shawn's recovery. He will go every 3 months for CT scans for 2 years, and then every 6 months for 3 years after that. I am praying and believing every one of those will be 100% clear. Below is a little thought I have had and thought I would share. :)

I have never ran in a marathon before, but I feel like we have ran a marathon of life these last 5 months. Up hills, down hills, in the rain, in the sun, you name it I feel like we've ran through it. 2 Timothy 4:7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. The last part of that verse is what I love, I have kept the faith. It was not easy. This marathon is one that I hope and pray no one I know will have to run. At the beginning your adrenaline is pumping, you have trained your mind for what is to come, you have nourished your body, you are ready. -Go!- Into the first mile or two you are feeling pretty good still, your not breathing too hard, you are good. You still think you have an idea of what is ahead. You trained for it. Then your into mile 5 or 6, your breathing is heavy you are totally and completely in this marathon, you cannot stop, but you keep going, the prize is head. Mile 13 or 14, you are gasping for air, your legs feel like giving out, you have thought about giving up a few times, but there is something deep inside of you carrying you. It is there carrying you to the finish line, it is Jesus whispering in your ear, I am with you, go. Only Jesus knows how you feel. You finish, now what? You collapse. You need water, rest, and nourishment. You need that encouragement from everyone around you. You thought the training for the marathon was the hardest part of all of this, but no it was the finish. The recovery is slow but steady. Your body hurts, you feel sick, you are exhausted for days, you didn't know it would be this hard. BUT you did it! We did it. LIFE is your prize. Life can come at you from left field, when you least expect it. So train yourself to be ready at any time. Keep your faith, Jesus will be there to tell you he is here. I have questioned God "why us?" I have not gotten an answer "yet", but one day I am sure this was all part of a greater plan. A plan I may not understand yet. One day I will know why. :) What does your marathon look like? Are you just starting yours, or are you almost to the finish line, listen for Jesus,- go-.











Alana :)

Saturday, April 16, 2011

The treatments are OVER....

Praise the LORD, the treatments are over. Now the healing time begins, hopefully this will come quickly. Shawn has lost about 25 pounds in 3 weeks. He has two huge lesions on the sides of his tongue from the radiation. This has kept him from being able to eat solid food. He is very miserable right now, all he really wants to do is sleep. So please pray for a quick recovery. His hair is slowly growing back as well. It is kind of weird seeing hair again. I had forgotten what he looked like with hair. LOL! I will post some pictures soon. Alana

Friday, April 8, 2011

Spring Break.....

My baby girl and me today.
Spring Break has been like a breath of fresh air. Totally what I needed. My wonderful Mom took my oldest two kiddos home with her for about 4 days, that was great. I love them dearly, but sometimes momma needs a break! Tonight I am taking my oldest daughter Alexa to the movie "Soul Surfer", and dinner. I love getting out and having alone time with my kids. I know they need it more than I do. On another note Shawn has 3 radiation treatments left! I am so glad he will not have to go through this anymore. He has hardly been able to eat or drink anything. He has lost 16 lbs. in a very short period of time. I am sure he will be losing more weight over the next few weeks as well. The radiation has caused two very big lesions to come up on the sides of his tongue, making it very hard to eat. It is like having a canker sore times 10. The doctor said it could take up to 3 weeks for these to heal after his last radiation treatment, so please keep praying for a quick recovery for him. After this we are hoping to get our lives back to a new normal. We are looking forward to that.

Alana :)

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Honestly....

This has been one of the toughest, roughest weeks I think I have had in a very long time. I don't even know where to start. I honestly don't even know if I want to share my feelings. I feel like I am spinning my wheels and going no where. Lack of sleep hasn't help either. I am very glad Spring Break is this week. Maybe I can get a break from this circus. Monday started out good, then Mia got vaccines, then a fever, then was up all night. I was worried her vaccines were having a reaction, she ended up having strep again. I haven't felt great, Shawn is in horrible pain and there is nothing I can do for him. I feel helpless......this is a horrible feeling. He has been great at telling me not to worry about him, but if you love someone so much it hurts you can't not worry. We will weather this storm, but right now I feel like it is a hurricane. Sorry to be such a downer, but this helps me to get this all out. It is somewhat difficult for me to talk about all of this with anyone except for Shawn and my close family. People ask me how I am doing and I say hanging in there, but I literally mean "hanging in there". I then brush it off and put the focus somewhere else. This is a flaw in me, I want to be the smile and hope, not the burden for people. I forget it is me going through this with my family. I want to make people comfortable, not make them feel sorry for me. So I suppose these feeling are all normal when you go through a life changing event, but even though they are normal they are tough. We went to the Easter Pageant last night, thanks to a great friend who has been wonderful through all of this. Jesus was preaching the sermon on the mount and he said to a lady Your blessed when your overwhelmed, Matthew 5:3"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. This is exactly the reminder I needed. God I just want more of you! We all need less of us, and more of you. When we take the focus off of us we can see the reward. Thank you for all of your prayers, they really do help us get through the day just knowing there are people that love us and pray for us. Shawn has 8 more radiation treatments, and I pray they go quickly for him, please pray the same. Alana